First, let me apologize for the month long hiatus I’ve taken
from posting. It wasn’t really an
intended break, but more a combination of life getting really busy and not
quite being able to find the words to express this next part of the story. The next part is probably the hardest to talk
about, but as I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, it’s the hardest parts of
our stories that often have the most meaning and the biggest impact. I’m going to attempt to tell our story to the
best of my abilities and pray that God uses them to help someone else that may
be going through something similar.
Before we get to the tough stuff, I want to give everyone a
quick update on Lauren and our precious little baby.
 |
| It’s a Boy! |
Lauren is finally feeling much better and
back to being more of herself again. She
still has some residual blurriness in her eye, but it is significantly better
and to the point now that she doesn’t really notice it most of the time. Praise God for this healing! Lauren is still taking the blood thinner
shots twice a day, but with no side effects and minimal bruising. We are now at 23 weeks and little Graham has
passed every test so far with flying colors.
We had the full anatomy scan a couple of weeks ago as well as an echo of
Graham’s heart, both of which came back completely normal. We appreciate your continued prayers for health
for both Lauren and Graham! Now for the
main event.
When it comes to couples having a baby, there is one word
above almost any other that for some reason is absolutely taboo to talk about,
but that’s exactly what we’re going to do today. Why?
Because it needs to be talked about…that and I kind of like to push
boundaries.
So what’s this incredibly awkward topic? Infertility.
It’s not a four letter word, but it is often treated as such, if not
worse. You want to make someone
uncomfortable at a dinner party? Just
comment that you and your spouse are struggling with infertility and you will
have people running for the doors faster than if you started to do an
interpretive dance to a Sarah McLachlan song.
But seriously, it is amazing how quickly people, regardless of how well
they know you, will start to squirm and look for their exit when this
conversation comes up.
I’m really not sure why infertility has become such of a
taboo subject in our culture, but that’s probably not surprising to those of
you who know me well because I really don’t shy away from talking about
much. I might not bring the topic up,
but I’m rarely going to change it. I’m
also sure that the fact that I am a guy plays very heavily into my inability to
understand. As you’ll see through the
next series of posts, I learned the hard way that issues of infertility attack
and affect guys in an incredibly different way than they do you ladies. I’m sure many of you are thinking to
yourself, “Men and women are different!?!
Amazing conclusion Captain Obvious!” and you’re right, but you’ll just
have to bear with me because I can be a little dense at times.
Approximately 1 out of every 8 couples of reproductive age
will be diagnosed with infertility, so it is not at all uncommon, just rarely
spoken about. Infertility can take many
forms and affects every couple differently. About 40% of infertility cases can be attributed to male factors, 30% to female factors, and the remaining percentage to a combination of problems in both partners or other unexplained causes. The average couple, ages 29-33, only has a 20-25% chance in any given
month to conceive. After 6 months, 60%
of couples will have been able to successfully become pregnant without any form
of medical assistance. After one year of
trying (or 6 months if the woman is over 35), a couple will officially be given
the diagnosis of “infertility” and doctors, depending on their opinion on
varying philosophies, will begin to start the process of running tests and/or prescribing
medications. Source
Notice that I always use the term “couple”. I do so because infertility does not only
affect one individual, but rather the couple as a whole. Not only because it “Takes two to tango” if
you catch my drift, but because that diagnosis formalizes a fear that has
gradually been growing for several months and signals the beginning of an often
long and torturous physical and emotional battle. It will manifest itself differently, but it will affect you both, and if you let it, drive a wedge between you.
After receiving the diagnosis, the coming days are a
whirlwind of decisions and emotions, not to mention much doubt and fear. Over the next few days and weeks, I’ll walk
you through our journey, step-by-step, and let you have an inside view of what
our struggle looked like. As you read
this, Lauren & I ask that you do two things. First, say a little prayer for Lauren & I because telling our story makes us vulnerable and many of our wounds are still very fresh. Secondly, please say a prayer for those couples that are
battling infertility because it is so often a long, lonely journey that you
probably will have no idea that they are on.
They likely won’t understand why things are working out the way that
they are, so pray that God give them strength, peace, and patience. Until next time…
In Him,
Chad
If you are wanting to know more about support for infertility, check out Focus On The Family,
the Waiting in Hope ministry at our church,
or you can watch a sermon covering the topic from Pastor Gregg Matte HERE.
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